So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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