That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
