Please, let me fuck your mom
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
