I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
