if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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