Me. At least after what I've been through.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
