dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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