I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
