man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
