i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
