Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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