I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You need Xanax blowdarts
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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