Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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