my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
