Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Randomize
