i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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