He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
