he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
