TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
