i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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