Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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