I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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