you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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