If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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