Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
