I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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