I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
