the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
