My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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