you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
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I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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