the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
