So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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