I wannas sexs uuuuu
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
