dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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