Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.