My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...