To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms