My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.