apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
worst night to have a conscience
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.