He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.