I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
