operation harelip BJ is a go
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
