I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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