I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No subtext here. People are naked.
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I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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