I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
