Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
