it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
