Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
3 2 1 whiskey
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
