maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
