Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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