I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
