You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
