He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
