Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
