Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
