The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize