just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
