It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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