I just threw up on my dentist
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
