You're so nebulous sometimes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
