Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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