I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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