Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
