I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
