I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you still have your period?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can you bring me the toilet please
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
