So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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