as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
