She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
