I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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