I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
