I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
