you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
