I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
