just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
