I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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