my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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