how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
