But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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