I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
