i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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