My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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