i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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